


Feelings Are a Mess

by kohifu



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-09
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-07-28 18:08:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16247042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kohifu/pseuds/kohifu
Summary: Koga isn't sure what he needs to do but he knows running away from his feelings isn't the best answer.





	Feelings Are a Mess

Everything Koga was feeling was a mess. An  _ absolute _ mess. He didn’t know where to start, first of all. Does he write it down in a song? Write it down in a letter that’ll he burn later so no one finds out? What about actually  _ confessing _ his feelings? 

 

No, no that wouldn’t work.

 

Technically he was already dating the guy he liked, the guy he loved. It was just the problem of  _ talking _ his problems out with the guy. Not that he had any problems towards him of course, it was more just… His own internal conflict on his own feelings about this and that.

 

This and that being a lot of things—such as Koga not being able to actually handle the new emotions that came with dating—and ending up avoiding Rei; which was technically the last thing he wanted to do at the moment but it ended up happening anyways.

 

It was the worst outcome really, sitting underneath the shade of the tree behind the trunk so no one could really spot him unless they came walking at a certain angle. But he was there, leaning his back against the trunk of the tree and the heels of his hands pressed to his eyes in a frustrated fashion.

 

“I’m such a fucking idiot,” he grumbles to himself, thudding his head back into the tree and staring up at the leaves, seeing the sunlight filtering through it before he blows a heavy breath out of his mouth in an attempt to huff. This was troubling, it was lunchtime and all he done the past couple of days was avoid Rei. 

 

The guy couldn’t even use a cellphone so apparently Rei had been bugging Kaoru to message Koga for him, which was a pain in the ass so he turned off notifications—for the time being.

 

“Troubling, troubling—gah this is fucking troubling!” 

 

Koga groaned as he slumped against the tree once again, tapping his finger against his leg as he chewed on his lower lip. It was clear that he had been avoiding Rei the past couple of days; not walking home together, not really bothering the older in general and just generally avoiding him at all costs. Even going so far as avoiding Ritsu’s stare at him in the classroom and running out before Ritsu had the chance to get the energy to stop Koga to talk. 

 

If Ritsu had noticed whats up then its possible the two Sakuma’s had been talking, that or Rei practically tracked Ritsu down and  _ begged _ his younger brother to try and talk to Koga to see what was wrong. Ritsu was relentless with that type of stuff and it  _ so happened _ that Mao probably knew something was up too.

 

_ Fucking terrific _ .

 

Not only had he had two Sakuma’s trying to track him down but Mao as well and Mao was the one with the most energy during the day so if the red head really wanted, he could chase Koga around the school.

 

That in itself was troubling and Koga didn’t want to deal with anything  _ that _ troubling right now when he had his own feelings to sort out.

 

It wasn’t particularly anything bad, per say, but it was something that he noticed that…  _ bothered _ him. It was the feelings that  _ came _ with dating. Sure he’s felt these feelings before but they only seemed to increase after he and Rei had started dating; he noticed it but pushed it down until it just felt like it was…  _ too much _ to contain.

 

It felt like it was going to burst out at any moment, at  _ any _ second and it bothered him to no end. Why did he have to feel these emotions tenfold? Why did he have to feel this way and act like a coward and run away, avoiding talking about it instead of just talking about it?

 

He thought if he thought about these things himself, he could get over it. Get through it. Ignore it and push it down. Though, that also meant isolating himself basically from everyone and not saying a damn thing about it. He wasn’t used to handling these types of emotions by  _ talking them out _ , he was used to just dealing with it himself. And that’s what he’ll keep doing.

 

It wasn’t the best course of action but it was the only way he knew how to handle it. Again, he wasn’t used to talking about his feelings, he’d get irritational and probably say something he didn’t mean to. He didn’t want to do that, he didn’t want to say something completely stupid. He didn’t  _ want _ to worry Rei about that kind of shit.

 

Yet, he was doing  _ just _ that. By avoiding his own fucking boyfriend.

 

“Good fucking going, Koga,” he mumbles bitterly to himself, running his fingers through his hair. Lunch would be ending soon and he’d have to get back to the classroom but he didn’t want to run into anyone. Kaoru probably wouldn’t care but he’d possibly get a bit naggy at him. Running into Adonis was the worst cause the guy could easily pick him up without much a struggle (and trying to run from him was futile) and carry him to wherever Rei was. 

 

He ruffled his hair in slight frustration, groaning loudly before getting up. It was time to head back to class. He could run there to avoid talking to people who might see him but it meant those few minutes before class started back up could mean questions from Ritsu or Mao.  _ Or _ he could walk back to class the long way and to not risk running into anyone.

 

“Fuck it, I’m running back to class,” And he hoped that no teacher would yell at him for it. And that he didn’t run into anyone he didn’t want to. 

 

Gathering his stuff, he made sure he had everything before peering around the tree to make sure he didn’t see anyone who could potentially stop him. When he saw no one, he breathed a sigh of relief and made a run for it. Better get there now and bury himself in his work as an excuse to focus.

 

He  _ nearly _ ran into a few people but they weren’t anyone aware of what was going on with his personal love life so he was okay. He made it to class without much of a problem. He peeked inside, seeing that it was only Arashi and Mika in there so far, breathing yet another sigh of relief as he slid open the door and stepped inside, sliding it back closed. 

 

Arashi and Mika glanced up at him but went back to talking about some sweets cafe place. Koga took his seat, deciding to listen in while he pretended to work on some music lyrics since he had been working on a new song for his single.

 

It was hard to focus when all he could think about was the fact he was avoiding Rei, his own boyfriend, probably making him worry… 

 

Koga slumped forward in his seat and lightly thunked his head against the desk with a slight groan. Arashi and Mika were probably looking at him strangely but didn’t question anything as they continued their conversation.

 

_ Lucky bastards being so carefree _ , he thought with a grunt, hearing the door to the classroom being slid open. He lifted his head enough to see the Yuzuru. It looked like Ritsu and Mao would be one of the only other ones who would be coming back to class last, huh. That made things easier on him at least. So much easier. He’d just have to deal with Ritsu and Mao’s burning stares at his back during class.

 

With a shake of his head, he focuses back on the music sheet in front of him. He could write a love song, but maybe not make it so… obvious? Love wasn’t even his forte anyways, all the love songs he’s listened too where always too slow paced for his liking.

 

Maybe he could find something more his style. Listening to songs was always relaxing and he could do that in his apartment. Yeah, that sounded nice and perfect. Make some tea, chill with Leon while listening to some good love songs that weren’t overly sappy or slow or that was about heartbreak. And nothing  _ too _ mushy either. God no.

 

He thought back to Rei, eyes glaring down at the paper. Rei could’ve done better, could’ve gone for someone better. So  _ why _ him?  _ Why _ accept him? He could feel himself gritting his teeth, gripping the pen tight in his hands. 

 

Why was jealousy a  _ bitch _ ? Why did he have to feel these sort of fucked up emotions?

 

It churned inside of him, it bubbles up and made his chest and throat feel tight. He nearly wanted to  _ cry _ out of frustration because of this. 

 

But was avoiding him really the best answer? No. But what else could he do? He didn’t know how to handle this— whatever  _ this _ was in the first place.

 

Koga bit the inside of his cheek, hard enough to bleed; the metallic taste coating his tongue when he swiped over the wound in his mouth. It stung when it was touched but it didn’t ease the pain he had felt in his chest at all. He  _ wished _ it did though.

 

He felt frustrated, goddamn  _ frustrated _ . 

 

_ Fuck it _ , he thinks momentarily,  _ I’ll just skip school for a few days. No big fucking deal. _

 

It’s not like many people knew where he lived anyways, better that way so he didn’t have people just knocking at his door all the time if he was sick or ditching. Yeah he’ll just feign sick, that’ll work for a few days. He can relax and chill, as long as no one tried to bring him the homework. He wanted to groan and thump his head against the desk but didn’t, staring blankly at the sheet of music he was going to write on before tucking it away.

 

“Fuck writing a love song…”

 

And with that, the rest of the day goes by in a daze, his lessons blending in together as he took notes before immediately booking it as soon as class had ended to avoid talking to Ritsu and Mao. It was a good thing there were other students filing out, Making it easier to lose the two before he’s already leaving school grounds.

 

It’s all just a daze to him, wanting to rush home and flop into bed. But he stopped by to get some food. For him and Leon of course. Something to last for the night and perhaps until tomorrow for lunch, who knows.

 

And ice cream cause why not? 

 

He grabbed a few tubs of his favorite and some soggy ice cream for Leon before checking out, carrying the bags in his hand as he returns to his trek home. It takes a while considering the heaviness of the bags and everything but he manages, fumbling to open the door to his apartment for a bit before pushing it open and closing it shut with his foot, locking it with a bit of effort.

 

Leon comes running out at full speed, barking up a storm and Koga has to hush him but chuckles and goes to put away the groceries with Leon at his heels.

 

“Alright alright, I’ll make us some dinner Leon. Just be patient buddy,” he leans down to pet the dog’s head, going over to the living room to turn on the tv so he can listen to whatever was on while he got to cooking.

 

He just hoped that he could stop avoiding his feelings like this and actually talk them out. 


End file.
